20K DAY! YAY!

THE GOLDEN GULLET

I'm 20,000 Days Under I-5...
I'm 20,000 Days Under I-5
I've been around the block and I've talked a lotta talk
I've eaten lotsa pizza and I've sucked a lotta cock
I'm much too young to die
But I'm not too old to rock...
I'm 20,000 Days Under I-5 !!

I've had a couple kids, a couple homes, a couple exes...
I've had affairs with those of a couple different sexes
I've been to France and Amsterdam
But I've never been to Texas...
I'm 20,000 Days Under I-5 !!

I once was an executive, for awhile I was a ho...
But I try to keep on smiling where'er my road may go...
I've been featured in a movie
And in many a burlesque show...
I'm 20,000 Days Under I-5 !!

I'm 20,000 Days Under I-5
And I guess I'm pretty lucky to still be alive...
I've tripped on LSD and PCP, Quaaludes and cocaine
I've smoked for over 30 years in this Seattle rain
But I feel like a million bucks
So I really can't complain...
I'm 20,000 Days...20,000 DAYS! (where'd the time go??)
20,000 Days Under I-5 !!

The Golden Gullet designed and photographed by Sam of Dynamite Cocktails...edible golden glitter courtesy of Veronica De Ville!

Happy Earth Day!

See the mountains kiss high heaven
And the waves clasp one another
No sister flower could be forgiven
If it disdained its brother ~
And the sunlight clasps the earth,
And the moonbeams kiss the sea
What are all these kissings worth,
If thou kiss not me?



Poem taken from Love's Philosophy ~ Percy Bysshe Shelley

Where Were You??

Well, I visited here yesterday as promised! I didn't post anything, of course, but I was here! However, I didn't see You anywhere...I'm not used to being stood up, and let me tell you...it stings! I think a little punishment may be in order...perhaps in the form of a ballgag??? Ballgags, for some reason, are a running joke among my peers...

 ...and friends, I believe I may have written the official theme...The Ballgag Rag...sung to the pop strains of Petula Clark's Downtown...always a favorite with the crowd...everybody loves a sing-a-long!

What the hay-all am I talking about? Let's Get Dirty!...a fetish-themed show I was in a week or so ago, hosted by none other than the amazingly nimble-fingered Twisted Monk...bondage expert and purveyor of the finest rope made for such purposes...in a rainbow of colors like Statutory Grape and Pretty Kitty Pink! It was a wild and wacky night, friends, and many thanks to my pal Mark, who volunteered to be pulled out of the audience and made a complete fool of onstage...what a guy!

Twisted Monk made one helluva hilarious host...and was kind enough to help me out by doing a little improv to set up my song. Once I had my victim onstage, sitting in a chair, I introduced them. They shook hands, and then, in the blink of an eye, TM produced a length of crimson rope, whipped his arm around and the next thing you know, poor Mark was tied fast to the chair! Isn't that fun?? From there, it was easy to strap on that ballgag (which I designed myself, natch, with breathable foam and velcro...a stage gag, if you will)...to the collective amusement of the perverts onlookers.

Everybody loved the song...so much so, in fact, that we've been invited to do an encore performance of the act at another S&M themed show coming up next month! I just saw Mark at last night's Salon party and he's just thrilled to pieces! I wonder about that kid sometimes.....

Sadly, I don't have any pictures of that act to share, but my pal Johnny did take some amazing pictures of Monk in action, a sexy suspension that was thrilling to watch, and featuring the beautiful La Petite Mort!

You can watch a similar tie-up set to music, by visiting TM's blog! The guy may look pretty intense...maybe even a little scary, but I'm here to tell ya, he's actually very cuddly...see?

Mighty Contrite!

Forgive me, for I can't believe I've neglected you this long, my loved ones! It's just that I've been so darn busy lately with a multitude of shows and other personal appearances...you know, all those hardware store openings, baptisms and wedding receptions...plus, it's my busy season for bar mitzvahs...then there's my weekly gig at the local senior center's Bingo/Karaoke night...always a wild time there, I gotta tell ya! With all that, writing a couple new songs and creating a few new additions to my wardrobe...well, I'm sorry, but I just haven't had time to blog...not to mention I've also been deeply involved of late in conducting my own personal experiment to see how much time can be wasted on Facebook...the results are astonishing, to say the least!

At least I have something to show for all this...a whole buncha new pals and some pictures to share with you!

This past Saturday night was my opportunity to wear that glittering gold gown I was telling you about, thanks to my pal Mitzy Sixx...

...and Mitzy's Ditzy Glitzy Variety Show, where I sang one of my most tender love songs, Did You Just Cut A Fart?

Gettaloada that glitz...that glamour...that Golden Gullet!!

Speaking of Golden Gullets, I've also been crazy bizzy planning my upcoming party, Gams Galore's 20,000 Days Under I-5! As of today, I've been alive 19,992 days...and having fun working with Sam of Dynamite Cocktails to compose a G-themed drink menu, including my signature drink, The Golden Gullet! Here's what we've planned so far...

The Golden Gullet ~ Gin, Grapefruit Juice, Grenadine, Ginger Syrup and (edible) golden glitter (Sam makes his own Grenadine, Ginger Syrup and bitters...and they are amazing!)
G-Spots ~ Shots of Fireball...crushed PopRocks around the rim optional
Glitter Shots ~ Limoncello Jello shots with golden glitter
G-Rated ~ Sparkling Golden Cider

So that takes care of the drinking...as for the dancing, I've been compiling remixes of some of my favorite 80's disco dance hits...my darling DJ Gio (named appropriately enough) will be rockin' the house!

I'm terribly excited that a few other friends have said they'd like to perform, as well...I'm soooo lucky to know soooo many talented people!

And prizes! Did I tell you I'll be giving away an amazing array of interesting items, specially selected from my own lifetime accumulation...that's 20,000 days worth of shit! Guests must answer trivia questions...about me, natch...to win these collectibles, but it's all good stuff though...all good...and possibly worth money on eBay! And of course I've written a special musical dedication, this time for myself...that I plan to debut that evening (and that I will share with you in due time, darlings!)  All that and more, with the help of a few wonderful friends...it's shaping up to be a magical evening!

I have so much more to tell you, darlings...as well as some more pictures I'm just dying to share...so I will be back tomorrow, and I promise I won't ever stay away from you so long again! XO!

F-ing Around

First off, I have to mention a first...Worn Out...The Seattle Stranger's First-Ever Fashion Show, featuring a few of my fashionable friends...like Stella Rose Saint Clair, Jamie Von Stratton, and Mark Mitchell...frontrunners in their field...fresh, funky and frankly, fucking fabulous!

As for my own forays into fashion (which, lately, have been few and far between)...fortune has finally smiled! After a few futile thrift-store shopping efforts, I finally found a flirty, feminine frock at my friendly neighborhood Goodwill...

Full-length black filigree lace over a glitzy golden lining flocked with flashings of sequins...fully fashioned with a flattering low back (vintage Jessica McClintock GunneSax, y'all!)...a fantastic buy at $9.99!

...and feast your eyes on this, friends...I just about flipped over this fancy fan-shaped bag featuring its beautiful beadwork intact...and almost free at $1.99!

Isn't that fun?

Barbie Goes Ballistic

...and it doesn't look good for Ken...

Barbie cooks, cleans, supports the NRA...and she votes!

Poor Ken...laughable at best...

 We never really liked him anyway!

Once upon a time I owned the original 1962 Barbie Dream House, but I never dreamed this was the type of activity that went on behind closed doors! This voyeuristic view by Mariel Clayton!

Perfection!

Blonde Ambition in action, darlings! Here's an exclusive preview of various activities which may or may not occur at my upcoming 20,000th Day Alive Party... only 24 days away! YAY! Can't wait to dance my 20,000-day-old ass off to this one!