Workin' the Merkin

Merkins are popular with burlesque performers...they always add a little humor and 'kapow' to any act. I've created a few of my own merkins in the past (my favorite from sphagnum moss with plastic bugs & spiders) and had another occasion to employ one this last Saturday night when I hosted another Academy of Burlesque Alumni Spectacular...this one a St. Patrick's day theme... Luck O'The Merkin! Here's the poster I'm proud to say I created!

You may not know this, darlings, but your Gams has pure, grass-fed Irish blood simply coursing through her veins, as well as being well-versed (so to speak) at the art of the limerick! So, luckily for you, I'm sharing here the merkin-themed limericks I wrote especially for the show! For instance...

A fancy young lady from France
Had a curious bulge in her pants
She said, "Please don't stare!"
Yet, I wonder what's there?
Could it be a merkin, by chance??

Or how about this one?

A plucky young fellow named Chucky
Always thought that his merkin was lucky
He said, "Laugh if you wish,
But someday I'll be rich!"
Now he owns a racehorse in Kentucky!

This one's the stupidest of them, I think...but the audience loved it!

A well-endowed young lad was smirkin'
Because his 'shelalagh' was herkin
He said "Don't be fickle,
Take a look at this pickle!"
And I said.........."Get a merkin for that herkin gherkin!"

If you have a herkin' gherkin, enhance it with a merkin!

Since I was hosting, I figured I needed a little touch of magic, so I fashioned a green, lighted merkin that I flashed on at the end of the program!

And here is the limerick that went with it...

A Glamorous Gal from O'Firken
Had a costume that just wasn't workin'
But Fortune was smiling
And with some fashionable styling...(lift my skirt to reveal merkin!)
It worked...with the LUCK... (lights on!!) ...O'THE MERKIN! (Crowd goes wild!!!)

And finally, one that didn't make the cut...

A clever young Irish colleen
Made a merkin of green for a queen
Tho' it would o' been duller
in some other color
The Queen thought that green was obscene.

Copyright 2013 Gams Galore

Sew On and Sew Forth

Hey, you curious crafters...let's take a peek inside my adorable vintage sewing basket! Why? Because I said 'sew'!

It once belonged to good ol' Granny Galore and has been lovingly cared for over the years.

Oooh...pale pink silk lining!

Stuffed with goodies!

I'm nuts over pearl buttons!

They don't make 'em like they used to...

Lady Alice understands...

Wooden spools of silk thread and well-worn vintage thimbles...

The 'SUCRETS' tin has a secret...

Sparkling rhinestone and pearl buttons!

And a couple random flowers made from scraps and such...

Little Red Riding Hood has a secret, too...

Which suits her to etui!

Fantasy Aprons!

Darlings, have you heard the news? After many years of being a devoted Lady of Leisure, I've just acquired an actual DAY JOB....!!...I know!!  And the main reason it's taken me so long is that there are only a few places that a bona-fide slacker like me would care to engage work. I needed to find a place of inspiration, imagination, color and creative expression! Most importantly...cubicle-free! Something like...a fabulous fabric store, perhaps, where I spend a lot of time anyway? And...it happened! I'm on the job and loving the creative environment, where shelves upon shelves of quilting fabrics are as close as I get to a cubicle.

Inspiration overload and a plethora of gorgeous fabrics, from fancy to fantastic, have motivated me to start designing a few Fantasy Aprons! All those wonderful cocktail and teatime aprons were so popular in the 40's and 50's...but with the dawn of the dishwasher, they just disappeared into the thrift-store racks. Why, oh why? I think it's time to bring them back, don't you?? Thankfully, major pattern companies are reproducing some vintage patterns too cute to forget! Remember my fancy pink satin apron?

It's a vintage-inspired pattern and that's just the type of thing I had in mind...creations of silk, satin, lace, tulle, and gadzooks!!...of course...organza!! The possibilities are endless, I tell ya! So, I have the basic pattern but decided to drum up and dream up a few style ideas from the humble apron's glory days...f'rinstance......

How about a blue-green opalescent dupioni silk with an overskirt of beaded aqua lace? Striped black organza with a scarlet flower applique? A deep blue duchess satin with ruffles the color of the sea, adorned with iridescent Swarovski crystals?? Pearls! Rhinestone appliques! Beaded trims! Aaaarghhh! I'm practically paralyzed with not knowing where to start! But as soon as I do, I promise I'll be sharing the Fahn-ta-see! Anyone for hors d'oeuvres?

Cocktail Pick

Presenting, for your eyes only! My newest costume is fit for...Antipasto!...or your Auntie's Antipasto...and if your Auntie wears your panties while enjoying Antipasto, all the better!

This is what I've designed for the premiere performance of my newest character...that Hot Li'l Piece o' Paisano.....
Fifi Kalamata! Take note of those tasty red satin 'pimentos' and sparkling green gems...and as you can see, I wasn't stingy with the fringy...look at that swing! Bing-bada-bing!

Well, twist my swizzle stick! How about this snappy cap for garnish? You can't see the tasty insides but it's lined with that same sassy red satin as the pimientos! Mangia bene!

Yes, friends...I realize a Kalamata is actually a blackish-brown olive with a smooth, meaty texture named after the city of Kalamata in southern Greece...

...but that's no fun, is it? I prefer the snappy green Spanish variety with juicy red pimientos winkin' atcha...

But, who is this Fifi Kalamata anyway?? Is she French? Oui! Italian? Sì!  Greek? Vαί!  Pickled in brine?? Why, she's the Hot Tomata make ya glad she's not ya dotta! She's the Senorita t'which the boys all beat their meat-a! Not only does she really know how to move her moussaka, but you should see what she can do with the Mambo Italiano, a buncha balloons and one very sharp olive pick!

I know what you're thinking, darlings! "Great gnobs of gnocchi, Gams! You really know how to pick 'em!!"

Dead Time

I hope all my darlings had a wonderfully spooky Halloween!
I didn't do much on the 31st, but I did have fun hosting a Dia de los Muertos celebration the following night.

Not sure what to wear on such an occasion, I threw together a little red-and-black lingerie with a pompom'd tutu to make a dress of sorts...then I added black stockings, boots and, of course, my beloved Belltown Betty jean jacket with its pink skull design!

But the pièce de résistance was my floral headpiece!

This was sooooo easy, I made it in well under an hour...not counting the part where I had to drive to two different craft stores to find the kind of silk roses I was searching for.

I picked three of 'em...two red and one pink...then, with the help of my reliable ol' pal, Glu Gunn, I arranged them into a little bouquet. I added a leaf or two, then made a backing by covering a small circular piece of buckram with a scrap of fuzzy black fabric I had laying around. This hid all the messy bits of glue and stuff...then I attached an elastic band to keep it in place among my golden curls...

It can be worn two ways, with either the two red roses or the pink one in front. Flirty and fabulous!!

Real Housewives

Darlings, I'm sorry to have neglected you...I've been elbow-deep in a sewing project this week, making a costume for this Friday night's Academy of Burlesque Alumni Spectacular : The Real Housewives of Burlesque!

This show is especially exciting, since I'll be sharing a stage with that absolutely fabulous boylesque sensation, Waxie Moon...as well as one of my favorite hosts, Elsa Von Schmaltz (Ernie's twin sister!)...and, of course, a bevy of burlesque beauties! Truth be told, I'm not sure how many of us are actually 'Real' housewives. I used to be one...not so much anymore, but those days of kiddie-coddling, floor-scrubbing and dinner-making still linger fondly in my memory......

So what else would I costume myself in but every housewife's favorite fashion...an apron? Not just any apron, mind you...but a sparkling pink satin one...inspired by a cake, of all things!

The pattern is a cute trompe-l'oeil design that appears to be a dress with an apron tied over it...perfect! I just happened to have a remnant of 'Schiapparelli Pink' satin charmeuse on hand, which I teamed up with pale pink satin and some glittery candy pink netting.

How could I resist these sparkly pale pink glass buttons??

I've gotta tell you, this project was pretty freakin' complicated for something seemingly as simple as an apron, but I hung in there...and the results are worth it! Here she is...fit for a princess!

She's much too pretty to do any Real housework...but then again, so am I!

Oh, and did I mention that I won't be wearing a stitch under this except possibly a teeny-tiny g-string in Shocking Pink? Back in the day, wearing this type of thing around the house might have saved me a marriage or two! Wink!

Simply Crafty

Simply everybody knows I simply love crafting, so I was simply beside myself with excitement upon discovering Amy Sedaris' cute and colorful craft book, Simple Times, at my local library! This gem is simply chock-full of creative crafts suitable for simply anyone and everyone, even small children, pets, the elderly, the disabled, the bedridden...those who simply never thought they could manage crafting before! Also included is a section on Making Love...a subject which I simply never imagined would be included a craft book, but apparently crafting has a way of making some people simply horny...who knew?

Here's just a sample of one of the simply delightful crafts you will find in Amy's informative...and simply enchanting...book!



Check it out today and soon you'll be feeling simply crafty...and maybe even a little horny!

Amazing Masks

See these and many more beautiful designs here!

Lounge Liz

What's every fashionable lounge lizard wearing this season? Why, green satin animal print, of course...in this case, trimmed with cuddly black pompoms!

This is my signature off-the-shoulder glamorous gown, gone green for Saint Patty's Day...and for corn sake, a matchin' wee tam!

Liz the Lounge Lizard can't get over the psychedelic variations of green in this fabric! It's a semi-stretchy polyester that was a dream to work with, despite it's slippery side...

Yesssss...it fits like a second skin! Aren't you just green with envy?

I'm guessin' this green gown is gonna be perfect for the shenanigans I'll be up to next Saturday night at Mitzy's Ditzy Glitzy Variety Show...Erin-Go-Braless!...a part of Seattle's Open Circle Theatre Late Nites program, where I'll be performing my version of that old Irish favorite, Tipsy....hic!

Sunday Stitch-N-Bitch!

Craft a cute camisole out of two li'l ol' hankies! 

Coloring Fun!

Have you met him?? That veteran of Seattle's nooks and crannies...the overly-friendly face that launched a thousand quips...Gary Gloryhole!

Gary is a favorite guest on Match Game Belltown, as well, and during a recent appearance, recited the following poem about Seattle's Colorful Capitol Hill neighborhood...accompanied by a sing-along-coloring-book for the audience, which I've taken the time to reproduce for your coloring pleasure! Feel free to get your crayons out, copy and color the ones you like best! I've had plenty of fun coloring my own...as you can see...

Now it's your turn!

Good job, boys and girls! And if you're looking for more fun, did you know there's now an exciting line of Gary Gloryhole Action Figures??

Needless to say, Gary makes lots of friends, and has lots of fans...one of which took these pics! Thank you, whoever you are, for letting me share them with the world! Coloring book by Josh Hartvigson and Craig Trolli! Thanks, guys!