Fortune Telling

via Suzee Que on Flickr

Black Friday

Most Unwanted Holiday Gift List

Ohhhh, I guess it's That Time Of The Year again, folks. Those holly-jolly-filled-to-the-brim-with-joy holidays! Two solid months of Music! Lights! Festivity! Consumerism! Door-Buster Sale tramplings! Seasonal depression! And did I mention JOY?

My adorable grandmother, Granny Galore, couldn't see well enough to go out shopping alone, so she devised a unique solution to her holiday shopping needs. She'd always randomly order dozens of items from those gadgety Lillian Vernon and Spencer Gifts catalogs, and have them pre-wrapped. She never bothered to check what was what, so we never knew what surprises lay in store Xmas morning...and neither did she. In fact, she was always as surprised as we were when we opened our gifts.

 Me: "Gee Granny, thanks for this ingenious egg separator. It's just what I wanted."
 Her: "Oh, did I get you that?? For heavens sake...why did you want that dumb thing?"

So, in the spirit of good ol' Granny, I've scoured the interwebs to find unusual and possibly even useful items to create a gift list which will hopefully inspire you and your own imaginative gift-giving! These selections may not be for everyone...but do you really care, as long as YOU like it? It's the SPIRIT of giving that counts!

I mean, wouldn't that avid gardener on your gift list simply adore this Rubber Squirrel Mask? Looks terrific with plaid, and the squirrels will love it!

How about something for that special lady? If she loves squirrels as much as you do, she will go NUTS over these dainty Squirrel-Foot Earrings, trimmed in 14K gold filigree!

More precious than the most precious stone...these Deer Poop Earrings will let her know how you feel about her, without saying a word...

And if she's the kind of gal who loves swatting flies and stomping on helpless insects...without sacrificing style...she will jump for joy when she receives these rhinestone-studded Taran-Shoe-La's!!

Now here's something fun and useful for your playboy boss, neighborhood misogynist, or any other asshole on your list...because Stupid Tools love stupid tools! This one is sturdy, solid hardwood...and it even includes four colored pencils!

Every kid that walks alone in the rain needs a Flip-Off Umbrella like this to deter predators that may be approaching from behind. Chances are, the elementary school staff will get a big kick out of it, too! Now THAT'S spreading the joy!!

Everybody's got a craaaazy Uncle...right? What could be more perfect than one of those goofy  Bobbleheads?? Especially when the bobbler is another craaaazy guy...the irrepressible GG Allin!

Perfect for hiking and hunting...in any weather...these custom-made Sexy Diva boots are just the thing for that favorite street-walker on your list...

And don't forget your friends that run that terrific Jewish delicatessen on your block! They are sure to get a hoot out of these Commemorative Wine Decanters! Fill 'em with Manischewiz and let the fun begin!

Now you've got the idea! Happy Holiday Shopping, darlings! Mwaaahhhh!

An Extra Hour

Daylight 'savings' time is over until next year. Did you remember to fall back? And what will you do with your extra hour today?

Read a book?

Blow your own horn?

Roll down a hill?

Wear bunny ears?

Try a new look?

A Very Buttry Halloween

Enjoy this thrilling adventure from the fantasy files of deep, dark, and dramatic...Buttry Brown!!

WARNING! Not for the faint of heart!!! (...and if you're at all opposed to the term "Honky" then I'd suggest skipping this one...)

Edith & Audrey

I see Google is currently honoring the 116th birthday of one of the most innovative fashion designers of all time...the amazing Edith Head! I say we do the same!

Happy Birthday, Edith!   ...I wish I knew ya...

And with her spirit in mind, I just know YOU are going to love this clip featuring a young, innocent and utterly charming Audrey Hepburn screen-testing a few of Edith's creations from Roman Holiday! Ciao, darlings!!

My Hero

Let's go back in time...stopping in the 80s, when late-night 'Aerobicise'  videos were all the rage...but not exactly for their commitment to ergonomics (wink, wink!)

Here's a classic example...but I don't recommend actually trying it...not only could you do irrepairable damage to your spine...you could take somebody's eye out with these moves!

No...let's keep going back further...back to the 60's, when American housewives were too busy making babies and keeping house to get out and hit the gym...besides, back then, gyms were dreary, noisy sweaty places filled with grunting, sweaty men. What to do? A personal trainer? Pretty much unheard of back then...but through the magic of Television...Jack LaLanne  to the rescue!

Francois Henri "Jack" LaLanne  has been called "the godfather of fitness" and the "first fitness superhero." And he certainly paved the way for fitness at home. Lonely wives simply adored this down-to-earth Frenchman..his ballet slippers confirmed that he was in touch with his feminine side (so European!) and could easily relate to women. The only thing missing was a seductive French accent ala Pepe Le Pew...but Jack had more class than that! And there he was...this fine figure of a man, inviting you into his living room (a popular TV gimmick back then) to join him in trying his 'Trimnastics'! (As a kid, I always figured that lovely mountain scene behind him was his real backyard...now I'm not so sure.)

Just look how buff he was back in the days before the term 'buff' was coined...





Jack was probably the first one EVER to introduce facial exercises. He knew they looked silly, too, but encouraged us to not let feeling silly interfere with becoming more beautiful! I could give the same advice...and you'll see why when I introduce you to COUGARCIZE! A little silliness makes everything more fun! So, let's get inspired right now by watching the very first episode of the Jack LaLanne Show!