Ohhhh, I guess it's That Time Of The Year again, folks. Those holly-jolly-filled-to-the-brim-with-joy holidays! Two solid months of Music! Lights! Festivity! Consumerism! Door-Buster Sale tramplings! Seasonal depression! And did I mention JOY?
My adorable grandmother, Granny Galore, couldn't see well enough to go out shopping alone, so she devised a unique solution to her holiday shopping needs. She'd always randomly order dozens of items from those gadgety Lillian Vernon and Spencer Gifts catalogs, and have them pre-wrapped. She never bothered to check what was what, so we never knew what surprises lay in store Xmas morning...and neither did she. In fact, she was always as surprised as we were when we opened our gifts.
Me: "Gee Granny, thanks for this ingenious egg separator. It's just what I wanted."
Her: "Oh, did I get you that?? For heavens sake...why did you want that dumb thing?"
Me: "Gee Granny, thanks for this ingenious egg separator. It's just what I wanted."
Her: "Oh, did I get you that?? For heavens sake...why did you want that dumb thing?"
So, in the spirit of good ol' Granny, I've scoured the interwebs to find unusual and possibly even useful items to create a gift list which will hopefully inspire you and your own imaginative gift-giving! These selections may not be for everyone...but do you really care, as long as YOU like it? It's the SPIRIT of giving that counts!
I mean, wouldn't that avid gardener on your gift list simply adore this Rubber Squirrel Mask? Looks terrific with plaid, and the squirrels will love it!
How about something for that special lady? If she loves squirrels as much as you do, she will go NUTS over these dainty Squirrel-Foot Earrings, trimmed in 14K gold filigree!
More precious than the most precious stone...these Deer Poop Earrings will let her know how you feel about her, without saying a word...
And if she's the kind of gal who loves swatting flies and stomping on helpless insects...without sacrificing style...she will jump for joy when she receives these rhinestone-studded Taran-Shoe-La's!!
Now here's something fun and useful for your playboy boss, neighborhood misogynist, or any other asshole on your list...because Stupid Tools love stupid tools! This one is sturdy, solid hardwood...and it even includes four colored pencils!
Every kid that walks alone in the rain needs a Flip-Off Umbrella like this to deter predators that may be approaching from behind. Chances are, the elementary school staff will get a big kick out of it, too! Now THAT'S spreading the joy!!
Everybody's got a craaaazy Uncle...right? What could be more perfect than one of those goofy Bobbleheads?? Especially when the bobbler is another craaaazy guy...the irrepressible GG Allin!
Perfect for hiking and hunting...in any weather...these custom-made Sexy Diva boots are just the thing for that favorite street-walker on your list...
And don't forget your friends that run that terrific Jewish delicatessen on your block! They are sure to get a hoot out of these Commemorative Wine Decanters! Fill 'em with Manischewiz and let the fun begin!
Now you've got the idea! Happy Holiday Shopping, darlings! Mwaaahhhh!
