I'm a Barbie Girl

These were the Barbies I remember playing with as a child in the early sixties...



Three dollars...with clothes and accessories under five dollars! Well, well...I must say, girlfriend has certainly come up in the world! By now she's certainly forgotten her sordid past as a sex doll...today's Barbie collector will pay a pretty penny for some serious Barbie bling! You can, too!

Is $50 too much to pay for Evening Splendor? Here's the reproduction of that classic ensemble...only $49.98!

For $10 more you can have your own, lifesize classic golden clutch...it's Sealed with a Golden Kiss!...for only $60!

If you lay awake nights wondering what to do with that extra cash you have laying around, and whether a studded pink leather jacket is a good investment...your problem is solved! This limited edition of Night Out will remind you of all your foolish choices...fashionable and monetary! Best of all, darling, it's only $5,000!

Fact is, I've always been crazy about that black-and-white strapless top...a bonafide Barbie classic! So, when I found that I could have one of my very own, studded with rhinestones, no less...it began a thought process: I suppose I could cash in that inheritance from my grandma...the fact that she worked her entire life to save it is irrelevant. This is fucking couture, okay? $10,000 is nothing.

Or, for a little less cash, I could really fall for this Locks of Light chandelier! Honestly, I can't imagine hanging it over my dining table (as I'd imagine hairs falling into my tuna casserole)...but I can imagine it in my boudoir as a symbol of my blonde ambition. Imagine...only $9,000!

One more selection from The Blonde Collection...serious bling in the shape of a ring...are you Blonded By the Light? You should at least see stars for $12,500!

Here's the ultimate gift: Foosbarbie! Ya know, the good thing about Barbies is that they just keep on smilin'...despite bad hair days...despite being stripped naked and forced into contorted positions and poor fashion decisions...despite the fact they've had their arms amputated and been skewered like shrimps on the Barbie for your foosball enjoyment. $25,000. I'd love to get this for my pal Babe of Belltown, but now I've spent all my money on The Blonde Collection!